I've always liked the idea of talking dirty during sex. Or before sex, that might actually be even sexier. Imagine going shopping or sitting in a cafe or something and leaning over to your boyfriend/fuck buddy/potential suitor and saying to him, just louder than a whisper:
I want your big, hard cock inside me. I want you to fuck me so hard.
UNF. I don't know who would be more turned on. Probably me, to be honest. Writing this post is just making me want to do this a hundred times more than I already did. But I can't. Well maybe not can't, but won't. It's like I have some sort of mental block, whenever I imagine myself taking dirty to a guy, a massive wave of cringe washes over me and I want to curl up in a little ball and laugh/cry maniacally until I remember that this was just an imaginary scenario and hasn't actually happened. Yet.
I think this is mainly due to the fact that I think I'll sound really stupid. I don't have an American porn star type accent and if I heard myself trying to say something like "fuck my wet pussy" I'd just crack up laughing at how ridiculous I sounded.
Let's go back a few months to when I was having sex with the brother of one of my friends (more on that another day, oh jeez). We'd fucked a couple of times before and this time I'd been out with some friends and he came to meet me in the club. After quite a few more drinks, we went back to mine and proceeded to fuck the hell out of each other. Considering we were both quite drunk (well, me more so than him), the sex was pretty damn good. The foreplay was pretty fantastic; he kept fingering me and getting me to suck on his fingers after which, by the way, was kind of really fucking HOT. I cum a couple of times and after a while, I get on top and am just loving life in general when he says:
Hey, talk dirty to me?
I just kind of stop for a couple of seconds and smile. I want so badly to tell him how much I love all the filthy, dirty things he's doing to me and how good it feels but I open my mouth and nothing happens. He asks me again if I want to do it. I try again but I just can't force myself to say anything out loud. "Sorry", I giggle a little bit as I continue to grind him, "I just don't really know what to say".
That was the only time I've ever been directly asked to talk dirty and after we finished having sex I felt so bad about not being able to do it. Well I did for a few minutes, but then I fell asleep and when I woke up I was so hungover all I cared about was bacon. I'm pretty submissive in bed and usually do whatever my partner wants me to, but talking dirty just freaked me out a bit, even though I really wanted to do it.
After doing some research in the pool of endless knowledge that is Google, I've decided to ease myself into it slowly. Start by talking more during sex without being too direct: "do you like that?", "tell me how good that feels", "do you want more?". Then practice saying naughty words out loud when I'm by myself and gradually slip them in to sexy talk. I might still sound like an idiot but I suppose if you're telling a guy how much you love his cock, he's probably not going to care much about what your voice sounds like.
Are you a dirty talking pro? Turn on or turn off?
dirtysexy xx
The First Time
Friday, 4 May 2012
Well, I might as well start at the very beginning and tell you about "the first time". That mythical, magical half hour way back in the mists of time, before I wore dresses or knew of the wonders of shaving my vag. I was 15 and wanted him so bad; we'd been going out for a couple of months and had progressed from awkward hand-holding to unbelievably slobbery kissing (seriously, oh my god, I remember standing kissing him in the clothing section of ASDA once - classy, as ever - and was genuinely concerned that I had drool all down my chin) to rather self-conscious touching "down below". I knew I wanted to have sex with him - not in a lovey-dovey "I want him to be my first because I love him" sort of way, but just because I properly fancied him and wanted to fuck him, and because he wanted to fuck me too.
It happened on a Saturday in early July. It was a wonderful summer that year; the air was sticky-sweet and always warm, I spent all my money on bus fares to his house and went to sleep every night with a ridiculous grin on my face. His parents were away for the evening so I went round to "hang out", for lack of a better word. I don't think either of us were particularly expecting to have sex but the opportunity just kind of arose (ho ho ho) and it seemed right. We were lying in his single bed, me squirming about with my jeans in a heap on the floor as he fingered me, when he asked:
Do you want to go a bit further?
FUCK YES I DO. I was scared and shy and surprised though, so I just nodded and whispered a tiny little "yeah".
Lots of kissing ensued (it had got much better by this point, by the way) and clothes began to come off. Before I knew it I was completely naked and he was still fully clothed, I have never felt so vulnerable and excited at the same time. He plays with my boobs a lot (nothing's changed, eh?) and I just lie there like a dead fish because I don't really know what I'm supposed to do. Eventually he puts on a condom and we go at it. It takes a little bit of fumbling, but it goes in pretty easily as I'm really wet.
I don't really remember much about the actual sex itself, I was probably too busy thinking "OH MY GOD THERE IS A PENIS INSIDE ME AND THIS BOY CAN SEE MY BOOBS AND OH MY GOD WHAT IS GOING ON IS THIS REAL" to actually notice what was happening. It was good, though. It felt a little bit weird and sometimes uncomfortable but it didn't hurt and I enjoyed it. It was as if time had stopped and I had forgotten how to breathe and blink and speak; it could have lasted 40 seconds or 40 minutes, I really have no idea. I didn't cum; I can't remember if he did or not but it seems likely. It wasn't mind-blowing sex but it was nice and I wanted to do it again and again. I think I was quite lucky with my first time in that respect - I don't regret doing it when I did or who I did it with at all, and it just made me want to explore sex more.
I caught the last bus home that night and happened to sit next to a boy from school I hadn't seen in a while. He asked me "how have you been, behaving yourself I hope?" and I just smiled.
Yes, of course.
I felt so bad and so fucking good all at the same time.
dirtysexy xx
It happened on a Saturday in early July. It was a wonderful summer that year; the air was sticky-sweet and always warm, I spent all my money on bus fares to his house and went to sleep every night with a ridiculous grin on my face. His parents were away for the evening so I went round to "hang out", for lack of a better word. I don't think either of us were particularly expecting to have sex but the opportunity just kind of arose (ho ho ho) and it seemed right. We were lying in his single bed, me squirming about with my jeans in a heap on the floor as he fingered me, when he asked:
Do you want to go a bit further?
FUCK YES I DO. I was scared and shy and surprised though, so I just nodded and whispered a tiny little "yeah".
Lots of kissing ensued (it had got much better by this point, by the way) and clothes began to come off. Before I knew it I was completely naked and he was still fully clothed, I have never felt so vulnerable and excited at the same time. He plays with my boobs a lot (nothing's changed, eh?) and I just lie there like a dead fish because I don't really know what I'm supposed to do. Eventually he puts on a condom and we go at it. It takes a little bit of fumbling, but it goes in pretty easily as I'm really wet.
I don't really remember much about the actual sex itself, I was probably too busy thinking "OH MY GOD THERE IS A PENIS INSIDE ME AND THIS BOY CAN SEE MY BOOBS AND OH MY GOD WHAT IS GOING ON IS THIS REAL" to actually notice what was happening. It was good, though. It felt a little bit weird and sometimes uncomfortable but it didn't hurt and I enjoyed it. It was as if time had stopped and I had forgotten how to breathe and blink and speak; it could have lasted 40 seconds or 40 minutes, I really have no idea. I didn't cum; I can't remember if he did or not but it seems likely. It wasn't mind-blowing sex but it was nice and I wanted to do it again and again. I think I was quite lucky with my first time in that respect - I don't regret doing it when I did or who I did it with at all, and it just made me want to explore sex more.
I caught the last bus home that night and happened to sit next to a boy from school I hadn't seen in a while. He asked me "how have you been, behaving yourself I hope?" and I just smiled.
Yes, of course.
I felt so bad and so fucking good all at the same time.
dirtysexy xx
Hello, World
I thought it only polite to begin with a quick introduction to welcome you to Dirty Sexy Stuff. I'm in my early twenties, live in the UK and have been single since time immemorial i.e. 2006. Oh, and I like fucking. That's a pretty good basis for starting a blog about sex and relationships, right?
Even though I've watched more episodes of Sex and the City than I care to admit, I'm no Carrie Bradshaw. Why, yes I am writing this on my laptop, lying on my bed in a pair of cotton knickers and an oversized Van Halen t-shirt BUT I'm fairly sure Carrie wasn't also straddling a hot water bottle and surrounded by a sea of empty Fruitella wrappers. My sexual encounters are much more akin to something out of a terrible teen comedy; usually something goes wrong, awkwardness ensues for one or both of us, and the incident is never spoken of again. Sometimes it's great though, which is pretty sweet. I guess that's the same for everyone (don't even try to tell me you've never fallen out of a bed whilst having sex or queefed at a highly inappropriate moment because I know you're LYING), you've got to take the good with the bad. And sometimes the bad ones actually turn out to be hilarious with hindsight, and you can delight all your friends with your tales of diabolical debauchery.
So anyway, this blog is going to be a mix of anecdotes and encounters, things I've learned about sex, discussions of sex-related topics, and whatever else I'm in the mood for. Sounds good? If nothing else, you can laugh at my (sometimes) awful sex life and rest easy in the knowledge that yours is probably much better than mine.
If you want to get in contact, feel free to leave a comment or send me an email at dirtysexystuff@hotmail.co.uk.
dirtysexy xx
Even though I've watched more episodes of Sex and the City than I care to admit, I'm no Carrie Bradshaw. Why, yes I am writing this on my laptop, lying on my bed in a pair of cotton knickers and an oversized Van Halen t-shirt BUT I'm fairly sure Carrie wasn't also straddling a hot water bottle and surrounded by a sea of empty Fruitella wrappers. My sexual encounters are much more akin to something out of a terrible teen comedy; usually something goes wrong, awkwardness ensues for one or both of us, and the incident is never spoken of again. Sometimes it's great though, which is pretty sweet. I guess that's the same for everyone (don't even try to tell me you've never fallen out of a bed whilst having sex or queefed at a highly inappropriate moment because I know you're LYING), you've got to take the good with the bad. And sometimes the bad ones actually turn out to be hilarious with hindsight, and you can delight all your friends with your tales of diabolical debauchery.
So anyway, this blog is going to be a mix of anecdotes and encounters, things I've learned about sex, discussions of sex-related topics, and whatever else I'm in the mood for. Sounds good? If nothing else, you can laugh at my (sometimes) awful sex life and rest easy in the knowledge that yours is probably much better than mine.
If you want to get in contact, feel free to leave a comment or send me an email at dirtysexystuff@hotmail.co.uk.
dirtysexy xx
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