The First Time

Well, I might as well start at the very beginning and tell you about "the first time". That mythical, magical half hour way back in the mists of time, before I wore dresses or knew of the wonders of shaving my vag. I was 15 and wanted him so bad; we'd been going out for a couple of months and had progressed from awkward hand-holding to unbelievably slobbery kissing (seriously, oh my god, I remember standing kissing him in the clothing section of ASDA once - classy, as ever - and was genuinely concerned that I had drool all down my chin) to rather self-conscious touching "down below". I knew I wanted to have sex with him - not in a lovey-dovey "I want him to be my first because I love him" sort of way, but just because I properly fancied him and wanted to fuck him, and because he wanted to fuck me too.

It happened on a Saturday in early July. It was a wonderful summer that year; the air was sticky-sweet and always warm, I spent all my money on bus fares to his house and went to sleep every night with a ridiculous grin on my face. His parents were away for the evening so I went round to "hang out", for lack of a better word. I don't think either of us were particularly expecting to have sex but the opportunity just kind of arose (ho ho ho) and it seemed right. We were lying in his single bed, me squirming about with my jeans in a heap on the floor as he fingered me, when he asked:

Do you want to go a bit further?

FUCK YES I DO. I was scared and shy and surprised though, so I just nodded and whispered a tiny little "yeah".

Lots of kissing ensued (it had got much better by this point, by the way) and clothes began to come off. Before I knew it I was completely naked and he was still fully clothed, I have never felt so vulnerable and excited at the same time. He plays with my boobs a lot (nothing's changed, eh?) and I just lie there like a dead fish because I don't really know what I'm supposed to do. Eventually he puts on a condom and we go at it. It takes a little bit of fumbling, but it goes in pretty easily as I'm really wet.

I don't really remember much about the actual sex itself, I was probably too busy thinking "OH MY GOD THERE IS A PENIS INSIDE ME AND THIS BOY CAN SEE MY BOOBS AND OH MY GOD WHAT IS GOING ON IS THIS REAL" to actually notice what was happening. It was good, though. It felt a little bit weird and sometimes uncomfortable but it didn't hurt and I enjoyed it. It was as if time had stopped and I had forgotten how to breathe and blink and speak; it could have lasted 40 seconds or 40 minutes, I really have no idea. I didn't cum; I can't remember if he did or not but it seems likely. It wasn't mind-blowing sex but it was nice and I wanted to do it again and again. I think I was quite lucky with my first time in that respect - I don't regret doing it when I did or who I did it with at all, and it just made me want to explore sex more.

I caught the last bus home that night and happened to sit next to a boy from school I hadn't seen in a while. He asked me "how have you been, behaving yourself I hope?" and I just smiled.

Yes, of course.

I felt so bad and so fucking good all at the same time.

dirtysexy xx